Sunday, September 12, 2010

Pirate's Cove - guest review

Pirate's Cove
4609 Kellogg Ave.
East End
(513) 871-1820

I found Pirate's Cove unworthy of a review, but my husband felt otherwise. This is his review.
Pirate's Cove bills itself as a "tropical paradise." Located on a floating barge in a cove off the Ohio River and attached to the Four Seasons Marina and Restaurant, the restaurant's outdoor, tiki-bar setting and live music could, if you closed your eyes, let you pretend you were nestled amongst the Florida Keys. I suspect, however, that visitors to the Keys would be expecting FAR better quality food than is served up here.

The Four Seasons

Tiki-bar decor

We visited on the recommendation of a friend and were armed with a discount Groupon coupon that was burning a hole in our pocket. While Pirate's Cove might be fine as a local watering hole (although most of the beer is of the canned variety) there's no way the food is worth the drive to East End - discount or not.

I always get disappointed when my wife's vegetarian choice is limited to nachos or fried fare from an appetizer menu, but that's exactly what she had to order here. Or should I say "suffered," as the nachos she ordered were topped with Velveeta cheese and canned tomatoes (truly an unforgivable offence when fresh tomatoes are in season), and looked to me like they had been eaten once already. She said they were "OK", but I could see in her eyes that she was just trying to be nice, the thought of having spent ten bucks on them quietly gnawing at her psyche.

Basket of nachos

Her chosen 'accompaniment,' four cheese-filled bread sticks ($6.50), were devoid of flavor and left virtually untouched.

Could bread sticks look any more unappealing?

There was nothing amongst the two dozen entrees she could have eaten. Not one single item was vegetarian-friendly, which means Pirate's Cove fails to cater to not just vegetarians but potential customers who may want to eat something a little healthier than the usual fried or fat-ridden 'bar food' choices. Whether it's ignorance or an oversight is for others to decide.

For my own sins - and I must have sinned a LOT - I was drawn to their daily special, the Chicken Fajita Wrap ($6 when we visited, $10 at other times) which completely shivered me timbers. A soggy tortilla encapsulating the merest quantity of chicken breast, peppers, salsa and insipidly bland cheese, accompanied by pre-cut, frozen french fries. One bite was enough for me to realize this was a poor choice and it was all I could do to eat half the fries and pick out the tiny bits of chicken, wastefully leaving the rest behind in the plastic basket.

Chicken fajita wrap with fries

With a certain theme in mind, what should have been "Arrrr" turned out to be "Arrrggh!" and Pirates Cove should be made to walk its own gangplank, as it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Thar She Blows."

Not worth the drive

Pirate's Cove Tropical Bar & Grill on Urbanspoon


Steve said...

I ate there once many years ago and I see nothing had changed.

wonderousclusterf#@k said...

Really glad I didn't buy that gift certificate at!! Looks gross.

Heather said...

I like the atmosphere..but after experiencing Ludlow Bromley - I probably won't go back. The food at LBYC is much better and I bet you could find something vegetarian!